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So you think you are a geek, eh? The first step is to admit to yourself your geekiness. No matter what anyone says, geeks are people too; geeks have rights. So take a deep breath and announce to the world that you are a geek. Your courage will give you strength that will last you forever.
How to tell the world you are a geek, you ask? Use the universal Geek code! Using this special code will allow you to let other un-closeted geeks know who you are in a simple, codified statement.
The single best way to announce your geekhood is to add your geek code to your signature file or plan and announce it far and wide. But be careful, you may give other geeks the courage to come out of the closet. You might want to hang on to your copy of the code in order to help them along.
A NOTE OR TWO FROM THE AUTHOR
Well, here it is, finally, version 3.x of the World-Famous Geek Code. Yes, it's taken me much longer to write the new version than it should have. Yes, the old version was hopelessly out of date. I apologize. A combination of too much schooling followed by college graduation delayed it. In addition, there were almost 2,000 suggestions and comments on version 2.1 to wade through for consideration in this version. However, I'm a grad student now (Education Technology, Mankato State University), so I have a lot of time on my hands (yeah, right!).
It is my hope that this new version will be much superior to version 2.x. One of the main problems with 2.x was not that it was too long (well, it is too long, but that's irrelevant), but much of its length was attributed to non-geek categories (such as 'barney'). One of the goals of 3.x is to eliminate many of the non-geeky and unimportant categories in order to make room for geeky traits. "More geek, less bullshit" is a good motto. In addition, many of the categories (such as politics) were very poorly developed. These categories have been revamped and expanded to make them more fully cover all the requisite areas.
Finally, despite my opinions to the contrary, I've left some of the "appearance" sections in. I'd like to think of looks as being not a very geeky trait, but it seems that many of the users of the code use it as a litmus test for dating or something. Thus, a geek code has become a replacement for the classic "what do you look like" that once permeated the net. I've eliminated most of the categories, but left the most important ones in. Hey, anything for my fellow geeks...
In other news, the Geek Code is starting to go mainstream. It appeared with commentary in the February '95 issue of Boardwatch magazine as well as the August 1995 issue of Fast Forward, a suplement to The Washington Post. I've also received permission requests from people that want to translate the code into other languages; so far Japanese, Russian, French and ADA (ewww!). It's my hope that perhaps this next year can bring a little more popular media exposure and a true world presence. If you want to write something about the Geek Code, or do a translation, or anything else, please read the copyright notice at the end. It's fairly open, but you don't want to get in trouble, do you? If you do write an article or something about the Geek Code, I would like to have a copy if it for my own records.
Instructions
The geek code consists of several categories. Each category is labeled with a letter and some qualifiers. Go through each category and determine which set of qualifiers best describes you in that category. By stringing all of these 'codes' together, you are able to construct your overall geek code. It is this single line of code that will inform other geeks the world over of what a great geek you actually are.
Some of the qualifiers will very probably not match with you exactly. It is impossible to cover all possibilities in each category. Simply choose that qualifier that most closely matches you. Also, some activities described in a specific qualifier you may not engage in, while you do engage in others. Each description of each qualifier describes the wide range of activities that apply, so as long as you match with one, you can probably use that qualifier.
After you have determined each of your qualifiers, you need to the construct your GEEK CODE BLOCK. Instructions are provided on how to do this towards the end of this file.
Also, pay particular attention to case-sensitivity, there can be a big difference between a 'w' and a 'W'.
Quick Index
The following is an example Geek Code. If you are interested in a particular category, click on the letter and you will be sent to the explanation for that letter.
GED/J d-- s:++>: a-- C++(++++) ULU++ P+ L++ E---- W+(-) N+++ o+ K+++ w--- O- M+ V-- PS++>$ PE++>$ Y++ PGP++ t- 5+++ X++ R+++>$ tv+ b+ DI+++ D+++ G++++ e++ h r-- y++**
You can also go to a particular section:
Variables
Geeks can seldom be strictly quantified. To facilitate the fact that within any one category the geek may not be able to determine a specific rating, variables have been designed to allow this range to be included.
@
for this variable, said trait is not very rigid, may change with time or with individual interaction. For example, Geeks who happen to very much enjoy Star Trek: The Next Generation, but dislike the old 60's series might list themselves as t++@.
()
for indicating "cross-overs" or ranges. Geeks who go from C+ to C--- depending on the situation (i.e. mostly "C+") could use C+(---). @ is different from () in that () has finite limits within the category, while @ ranges all over.
>
for 'wannabe' ratings. Indicating that while the geek is currently at one rating, they are striving to reach another. For example, C++>$ indicating a geek that is currently computer savvy, but wants to someday make money at it.
$
Indicates that this particular category is done for a living. For example, UL+++$ indicates that the person utilizes Unix and gets paid for it. Quite a lucky geek, for sure.
?
Unless stated otherwise within the specific category, the ? is placed after the category identifier and indicates that the geek has no knowledge about that specific category. For example, a person that has never even heard of Babylon 5, would list their Babylon 5 category as 5?
!
Placed BEFORE the category. Unless stated otherwise, indicates that the person refuses to participate in this category. This is unlike the ? variable as the ? indicates lack of knowledge, while the ! indicates stubborn refusal to participate. For example, !E would be a person that just plain refuses to have anything to do with Emacs, while E? would be a person that doesn't even know what Emacs is.
Types of Geeks
Geeks come in many flavors. The flavors relate to the vocation (or, if a student, what they are training in) of the particular geek. To start a code, a geek must declare himself or herself to be a geek. To do this, we start the code with a "G" to denote "GEEK", followed by one or two letters to denote the geek's occupation or field of study. Multi-talented geeks with more than one vocational training should denote their myriad of talents with a slash between each vocation (example: GCS/MU/TW).
GB --- Geek of Business
GC --- Geek of Classics
GCA -- Geek of Commercial Arts
GCM -- Geek of Computer Management
GCS -- Geek of Computer Science
GCC -- Geek of Communications
GE --- Geek of Engineering
GED -- Geek of Education
GFA -- Geek of Fine Arts
GG --- Geek of Government
GH --- Geek of Humanities
GIT -- Geek of Information Technology
GJ --- Geek of Jurisprudence (Law)
GLS -- Geek of Library Science
GL --- Geek of Literature
GMC -- Geek of Mass Communications
GM --- Geek of Math
GMD -- Geek of Medicine
GMU -- Geek of Music
GPA -- Geek of Performing Arts
GP --- Geek of Philosophy
GS --- Geek of Science (Physics, Chemistry, Biology, etc.)
GSS -- Geek of Social Science (Psychology, Sociology, etc.)
GTW -- Geek of Technical Writing
GO --- Geek of Other. Some types of geeks deviate from the normal geek activities. This is encouraged as true geeks come from all walks of life.
GU --- Geek of 'Undecided'. This is a popular vocation with incoming freshmen.
G! --- Geek of no qualifications. A rather miserable existence, you would think.
GAT -- Geek of All Trades. For those geeks that can do anything and everything. GAT usually precludes the use of other vocational descriptors.
APPEARANCE
They say you never get a second chance to make a first impression. That seems to be ample justification to invent a time machine; just to play with the minds of the people that make up these silly sayings. Nevertheless, until we completely understand temporal mechanics and can get both a DeLorean and a Flux Capacitor in the same place at the same time at 88 miles an hour, we need to understand that how we look is a mark that will effect us for the rest of our lives, or at least until we change clothes.
The Geek, of course, doesn't believe any of that crap. How we look has little to do with what we are inside, and who we are as people. Yet, people still want to know what we look like. Thus, this section allows you to list out all the relevant traits about what you look like on a normal geeky day.
Dress
It is said that "clothes make the man". Well, I understood that I was made by a mommy and a daddy (and there's even a category to describe the process below!). Maybe the people who made up that saying aren't being quite that literal...
d++
I tend to wear conservative dress such as a business suit or worse, a tie.
d+
Good leisure-wear. Slacks, button-shirt, etc. No jeans, tennis shoes, or t-shirts.
d
I dress a lot like those found in catalog ads. Bland, boring, without life or meaning.
d-
I'm usually in jeans and a t-shirt.
d--
My t-shirts go a step further and have a trendy political message on them.
d---
Punk dresser, including, but not limited to, torn jeans and shirts, body piercings, and prominent tattoos.
dx
Cross Dresser
d?
I have no idea what I am wearing right now, let alone what I wore yesterday.
!d
No clothing. Quite a fashion statement, don't you think?
dpu
I wear the same clothes all the time, no matter the occasion, forgetting to do laundry between wearings.
Shape
Geeks come in many shapes and sizes. Shape code is divided into two parts. The first indicates height, while the second indicates roundness. Mix each section to fit yourself. Examples include: s:++, s++:, s++:--.
s+++:+++
I usually have to duck through doors/I take up three movie seats.
s++:++
I'm a basketball/linebacker candidate.
s+:+
I'm a little taller/rounder than most.
s:
I'm an average geek
s-:-
I look up to most people. Everyone tells me to gain a few pounds.
s--:--
I look up to damn near everybody. I tend to have to fight against a strong breeze.
s---:---
I take a phone book with me when I go out so I can see to eat dinner. My bones are poking through my skin.
Age
The only way to become a true geek is through practice and experience. To this end, your age becomes an important part of your geekiness. Use the qualifiers below to show your age (in Terran years). Also, please use BASE 10 numbers.
a+++
60 and up
a++
50-59
a+
40-49
a
30-39
a-
25-29
a--
20-24
a---
15-19
a----
10-14
a-----
9 and under (Geek in training?)
a?
immortal
!a
it's none of your business how old I am
In addition, if you wish to give your exact age, you can place the number after the 'a' identifier. For example: a42
COMPUTERS
There is a record of geeks that don't use computers. Unfortunately, they are all dead, having lived in an era of no computers. All modern geeks have some exposure to computers. If you don't know what a computer is, you need to go back into your shell.
Computers
Most geeks identify themselves by their use of computers and computer networks. In order to quantify your geekiness level on computers, consult the following (consider the term 'computers' synonymous with 'computer network'). This category represents "general" computer aptitude. Categories below will get into specifics.
C++++
I'll be first in line to get the new cybernetic interface installed into my skull.
C+++
You mean there is life outside of Internet? You're shittin' me! I haven't dragged myself to class in weeks.
C++
Computers are a large part of my existence. When I get up in the morning, the first thing I do is log myself in. I play games or mud on weekends, but still manage to stay off of academic probation.
C+
Computers are fun and I enjoy using them. I play a mean game of DOOM! and can use a word processor without resorting to the manual too often. I know that a 3.5" disk is not a hard disk. I also know that when it says 'press any key to continue', I don't have to look for a key labeled 'ANY'.
C
Computers are a tool, nothing more. I use it when it serves my purpose.
C-
Anything more complicated than my calculator and I'm screwed.
C--
Where's the on switch?
C---
If you even mention computers, I will rip your head off!
UNIX
It seems that a Unix-based operating system is the OS of choice among most geeks. In addition to telling us about your Unix abilities, you can also show which specific Unix OS you are using. To accomplish this, you include a letter showing the brand with your rating. For example: UL++++ would indicate a sysadmin running Linux.
B - BSD (use this unless your BSDish system is mentioned below)
L - Linux
U - Ultrix
A - AIX
V - SysV
H - HPUX
I - IRIX
O - OSF/1 (aka Digital Unix)
S - Sun OS/Solaris
C - SCO Unix
X - NeXT
* - Some other one not listed
U++++
I am the sysadmin. If you try and crack my machine don't be surprised if the municipal works department gets an "accidental" computer-generated order to put start a new landfill on your front lawn or your quota is reduced to 4K.
U+++
I don't need to crack /etc/passwd because I just modified su so that it doesn't prompt me. The admin staff doesn't even know I'm here. If you don't understand what I just said, this category does NOT apply to you!
U++
I've get the entire admin ticked off at me because I am always using all of the CPU time and trying to run programs that I don't have access to. I'm going to try cracking /etc/passwd next week, just don't tell anyone.
U+
I not only have a Unix account, but I slam VMS any chance get.
U
I have a Unix account to do my stuff in
U-
I have a VMS account.
U--
I've seen Unix and didn't like it. DEC rules!
U---
Unix geeks are actually nerds in disguise.
Perl
If you enjoy at least U++ status you have to know about Perl, so you might as well rate yourself in this sub-category. Non-Unix geeks don't know what they're missing.
P+++++
I am Larry Wall, Tom Christiansen, or Randal Schwartz.
P++++
I don't write Perl, I speak it. Perl has superseded all other programming languages. I firmly believe that all programs can be reduced to a Perl one-liner. I use Perl to achieve U+++ status.
P+++
Perl is a very powerful programming tool. Not only do I no longer write shell scripts, I also no longer use awk or sed. I use Perl for all programs of less than a thousand lines.
P++
Perl is a powerful programming tool. I don't write shell scripts anymore because I write them in Perl.
P+
I know of Perl. I like Perl. I just haven't learned much Perl, but it is on my agenda.
P
I know Perl exists, but that's all.
P-
What's Perl got that awk and sed don't have?
P--
Perl users are sick, twisted programmers who are just showing off.
P---
Perl combines the power of sh, the clarity of sed, and the performance of awk with the simplicity of C. It should be banned.
P!
Our paranoid admin won't let us install Perl! Says it's a "hacking tool".
Linux
Linux is a hacker-written operating system virtually identical to Unix. It was written for and continues to run on your standard 386/486/Pentium PC, but has also been ported to other systems. Because it is still a young OS, and because it is continually evolving from hacker changes and support, it is important that the geek list his Linux ability.
L+++++
I am Linus, grovel before me.
L++++
I am a Linux wizard. I munch C code for breakfast and have enough room left over for a kernel debugging. I have so many patches installed that I lost track about ten versions ago. Linux newbies consider me a net.god.
L+++
I use Linux exclusively on my system. I monitor comp.os.linux.* and even answer questions sometimes.
L++
I use Linux ALMOST exclusively on my system. I've given up trying to achieve Linux.God status, but welcome the OS as a replacement for DOS. I only boot to DOS to play games.
L+
I've managed to get Linux installed and even used it a few times. It seems like it is just another OS.
L
I know what Linux is, but that's about all
L-
I have no desire to use Linux and frankly don't give a rats patootie about it. There are other, better, operating systems out there. Like Mac, DOS, or Amiga-OS. Or, better yet even, would be another free Unix OS like FreeBSD.
L--
Unix sucks. Because Linux = Unix. Linux Sucks. I worship Bill Gates.
L---
I am Bill Gates.
Emacs
GNU Emacs is the do-all be-everything editor/operating system available for just about every computer architecture out there.
E+++
Emacs is my login shell!! M-x doctor is my psychologist! I use emacs to control my TV and toaster oven! All you vi people don't know what you're missing! I read alt.religion.emacs, alt.sex.emacs, and comp.os.emacs.
E++
I know and use elisp regularly!
E+
Emacs is great! I read my mail and news with it!
E
Yeah, I know what emacs is, and use it as my regular editor.
E-
Emacs is too big and bloated for my tastes
E--
Emacs is just a fancy word processor
E---
Emacs sucks! vi forever!!!
E----
Emacs sucks! pico forever!!!
World Wide Web
It's relatively new. It's little understood. Everybody's doing it. How much of a web-surfer are you?
W+++
I am a WebMaster . Don't even think about trying to view my homepage without the latest version of Netscape. When I'm not on my normal net connection, I surf the web using my Newton and a cellular modem.
W++
I have a homepage. I surf daily. My homepage is advertised in my .signature.
W+
I have the latest version of Netscape, and wander the web only when there's something specific I'm looking for.
W
I have a browser and a connection. Occasionally I'll use them.
W-
The web is really a pain. Life was so much easier when you could transfer information by simple ASCII. Now everyone won't even consider your ideas unless you spiff them up with bandwidth-consuming pictures and pointless information links.
W--
A pox on the Web! It wastes time and bandwidth and just gives the uneducated morons a reason to clutter the Internet.
USENET News
Usenet, a global collection of flaming opinions and senseless babble, was designed as a way to eat up precious spool space on a system's hard drive. It also is a way for people to distribute pornography.
N++++
I am Tim Pierce
N+++
I read so many newsgroups that the next batch of news comes in before I finish reading the last batch, and I have to read for about 2 hours straight before I'm caught up on the morning's news. Then there's the afternoon...
N++
I read all the news in a select handful of groups.
N+
I read news recreationally when I have some time to kill.
N
Usenet News? Sure, I read that once
N-
News is a waste of my time and I avoid it completely
N--
News sucks! 'Nuff said.
N---
I work for Time Magazine.
N----
I am a Scientologist.
N*
All I do is read news
USENET Oracle
(Info taken from the Usenet Oracle Help File)
Throughout the history of mankind, there have been many Oracles who have been consulted by many mortals, and some immortals. The great Hercules was told by the Gelphic Oracle to serve Eurystheus, king of Mycenae, for twelve years to atone for the murder of his own children. It was the Oracle of Ammon who told King Cepheus to chain his daughter Andromeda to the rocks of jappa to appease the terrible sea monster that was ravaging the coasts. That solution was never tested, though, as Perseus saved the girl in the nick of time.
With the advent of the electronic age, and expecially high-speed e-mail communication, the spirit of the Oracles found a new outlet, and we now recognize another great Oracle, the Usenet Oracle.
For more information, check out the newsgroups rec.humor.oracle and rec.humor.oracle.d or the FTP archives at cs.indiana.edu:/pub/oracle. Additional information and instructions can be found by sending an e-mail message with the subject of 'help' to oracle@cs.indiana.edu.
o+++++
I am Steve Kinzler
o++++
I am an active Priest
o+++
I was a Priest, but have retired.
o++
I have made the Best Of Oracularities.
o+
I have been incarnated at least once.
o
I've submitted a question, but it has never been incarnated.
o-
I sent my question to the wrong group and got flamed.
o--
Who needs answers from a bunch of geeks anyhow?
Kibo
Kibo is. That is all that can be said. If you don't understand, read alt.religion.kibology
K++++++
I am Kibo
K+++++
I've had sex with Kibo
K++++
I've met Kibo
K+++
I've gotten mail from Kibo
K++
I've read Kibo
K+
I like Kibo
K
I know who Kibo is
K-
I don't know who Kibo is
K--
I dislike Kibo
K---
I am currently hunting Kibo down with the intent of ripping his still-beating heart out of his chest and showing it to him as he dies
K----
I am Xibo
Microsoft Windows
A good many geeks suffer through the use of various versions of Microsoft's Windows running on or as a replacement for DOS. Rate your Windows Geekiness.
w+++++
I am Bill Gates
w++++
I have Windows, Windows 95, Windows NT, and Windows NT Advanced Server all running on my SMP RISC machine. I haven't seen daylight in six months.
w+++
I am a MS Windows programming god. I wrote a VxD driver to allow MS Windows and DOS to share the use of my waffle iron. P.S. Unix sux.
w++
I write MS Windows programs in C and think about using C++ someday. I've written at least one DLL.
w+
I have installed my own custom sounds, wallpaper, and screen savers so my PC walks and talks like a fun house. Oh yeah, I have a hundred TrueType(tm) fonts that I've installed but never used. I never lose Minesweeper and Solitaire
w
Ok, so I use MS Windows, I don't have to like it.
w-
I'm still trying to install MS Windows and have at least one peripheral that never works right
w--
MS Windows is a joke operating system. Hell, it's not even an operating system. NT is Not Tough enough for me either. 95 is how may times it will crash an hour.
w---
Windows has set back the computing industry by at least 10 years. Bill Gates should be drawn, quartered, hung, shot, poisoned, disembowelled, and then REALLY hurt.
OS/2
The operating system that looks a lot like Windows, acts a lot like Windows, but is much better than Windows.
O+++
I live, eat and breathe OS/2. All of my hard drives are HPFS. I am the Anti-Gates.
O++
I use OS/2 for all my computing needs. I use some DOS and Windows programs, but run them under OS/2. If the program won't run under OS/2, then obviously I don't need it.
O+
I keep a DOS partition on my hard drive "just in case". I'm afraid to try HPFS.
O
I finally managed to get OS/2 installed but wasn't too terribly impressed.
O-
Tried it, didn't like it.
O--
I can't even get the thing to install!
O---
Windows RULES!!! Long live Bill Gates. (See w++++)
O----
I am Bill Gates of Borg. OS/2 is irrelevant.
Macintosh
Many geeks have abandoned the character-based computer altogether and moved over to the Macintosh. It in important to give notification of your Mac rating.
M++
I am a Mac guru. Anything those DOS putzes and Unix nerds can do, I can do better, and if not, I'll write the damn software to do it.
M+
A Mac has it's uses and I use it quite often.
M
I use a Mac, but I'm pretty indifferent about it.
M-
Macs suck. All real geeks have a character prompt.
M--
Macs do more than suck. They make a user stupid by allowing them to use the system without knowing what they are doing. Mac weenies have lower IQs than the fuzz in my navel.
VMS
Many geeks use the VMS operating system by DEC for all of their mainframe and network activity.
V+++
I am a VMS sysadmin. I wield far more power than those UNIX admins, because UNIX can be found on any dweeb's desktop. Power through obscurity is my motto.
V++
Unix is a passing fad compared to the real power in the universe, my VMS system.
V+
I tend to like VMS better than Unix
V
I've used VMS.
V-
Unix is much better than VMS for my computing needs.
V--
I would rather smash my head repeatedly into a brick wall than suffer the agony of working with VMS. It's reminiscent of a dead and decaying pile of moose droppings. Unix rules the universe.
POLITICS
The last few years has seen the rise of the political geek. This phenomena is little understood, but some theorize that it has come about because of the popular media's attempts to demonize the Internet and computer use in general, and the government's willingness to go along with it. Others propose that the aging geek population has simply started taking an interest in the world around them. Some support the "Sun Spot" theory.
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